


Visits Home

by siq_art



Series: The cold can't numb you and it can't numb your feelings. [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Flashbacks, Gen, Homebrew Content, Homebrew Planets, Homebrew Species, Hot Springs & Onsen, Kisurin fails at working through his trauma, Oh and Corelaia is trans and there’s nothing you can do about it, POV First Person, Pre-Episode I, ice planets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25103698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siq_art/pseuds/siq_art
Summary: A memory of a better time and the wish to return to it.Kisurin remembers his first visit to his homeworld since joining the Jedi Order.
Series: The cold can't numb you and it can't numb your feelings. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818127





	Visits Home

**Author's Note:**

> So there's some... nonsexual nudity. Basically the entire town just goes into a hotspring and chills there but I don't, like, mention parts or anything.
> 
> First part takes place before Episode I, second takes place during the Clone Wars.

It was hard not to feel awkward, as I sat among the Zairusi people. Although Corelaia sat beside me, giving me a reassuring smile whenever a break in his conversation with Governor Oekairin would allow it, I still felt lost among the faces that should have been familiar. I had never been to Zairus before, or, rather, I had never been back after I had been taken in by the Jedi Order when I was too young to remember anything but flashes of it. The snow was all I could recall, and upon setting foot on the planet, it was not difficult to see why. Of course, I had read of the planet, heard stories Master Corelaia had told of his previous visits, learned as much as I could, but I had never had the opportunity to visit before, as there was usually no need for the Jedi to come to such a peaceful planet in the Outer Rim, and in the past, my training had kept me from accompanying Corelaia on his own visits.

The recordings I had seen of the surface really didn't do it justice. The snowy hills and cliffs stretched out as far as I could see when I had stepped off the ship, with only a few metal and stone buildings among the town otherwise made of ice. The galaxy shimmered bright above me, showing the same constellations as the Star-maps I had often studied in the Temple, but brighter than I could have ever imagined, free from the ever-present haze and light that surrounded Coruscant. We had been led to the community hall, a beautiful building, sculpted out of ice in the finest detail in accordance with the traditional Zairusi style.

He spoke to us for the better part of an hour, telling us of the trouble with a group of gangsters, pirates and smugglers, that had set up camp on the outer reaches of his territory, hoping to use the planet as some sort of a midway point for their smuggling operations, from the sound of it. They hadn't caused too much harm so far, but they had driven a lot of the wildlife from the area, making the hunts scarce, and Oekairin was worried it was just the beginning. All the construction his scouts had spotted them doing certainly gave merit to that theory, and he wanted them off his land before it grew out of control. Our job would be to start negotiations.

I looked over to the Governor and Master Corelaia, sighing softly as they continued to discuss the best course of action. Diplomacy wasn't my area of expertise; it was easier for me to end a conflict than it was for me to prevent one. Perhaps I would have been better suited to something with more action, like scouting the area, or infiltrating the pirate base, but even though Corelaia had more experience dealing with the Zairusi than I did, his actions tended towards unforeseeable -- Johali Corelaia was a chaotic force in the universe – and I preferred to be in the know when it came to his plans, lest they surpass my area of prediction. Still, it was hard for me to get a grasp of his strategy, as his exchange with the Governor was half in Basic, half in Zairusi, a language of which I only spoke a handful of phrases. I knew Corelaia wasn't fluent either, but his previous stays on the planet meant he knew a lot more than I did. I also knew that most Zairusi spoke at least a bit of Basic, and that the Governor's position dealing with off-worlders meant he was able to speak it quite well, though I supposed there were some things that just didn't translate. Corelaia seemed to appreciate the practice, in any case.

I was just about to call it off, tell him that I was going for a walk around the outskirts of town, see if I could find out anything useful – I could tell and not ask now that Corelaia and I were of equal ranking in the Order, which was certainly a weird thought to dwell upon – when a beaming young woman jogged into the office, bowing to the Governor, then Corelaia, then me, before approaching. Her hands were stained red, like they had been coated in blood then hastily wiped in the snow, and her words were quick, and almost entirely unintelligible, though I picked out the name of the Johalin, a local animal that was the best prize of the hunt. It was the creature that my Master's given name, Johali, was derived from, which was the only reason I remembered the word in the first place. He was fond of telling me the time when he, as a padawan, helped take one down, and how he had chosen the creature as his namesake after the fond memory.

Governor Oekairin exchanged a few sentences with her before breaking into a smile, sending her off with a nod and getting to his feet, groaning as he pushed himself off the blanket laid on the floor beneath him.

“Sorry to cut our chat so short, old friend.” He apologized, dipping his head to Corelaia. “And new friend, of course,” he added, smiling at me. “Kaehlaen reports that the Hunt is in. We must feast now, and continue our talks afterwards. Please, join me, brothers.” Oekairin extended an arm, motioning towards the door in a sweeping motion before heading in its direction. I rose to my feet to follow him, playing over his words in my head. His voice was pleasant, and I had always enjoyed hearing the Zairusi accent that Corelaia and I lacked. The way the F's turned into V's, and the way he would always hesitate before a P or B was unusual compared to most alien accents, though the flow of the Zairusi cadence made it sound beautiful, even if it was only a shadow of its magnificence in the original language. I made a mental note to learn as much Zairusi as I could while I was planetside.

Oekairin led us to the dining hall, a long corridor with twisting, carved stone pillars holding up the roof, and beast-skins stretched over each side, shielding the area from the wind and snow. Since the Zairusi species didn't feel cold, or at least not any degree of cold I had ever experienced, I assumed the skins were more to keep the wind and snow out of the food, or to keep the food itself warm. As we walked past them, I found myself admiring the paintings on them, traditional stories drawn in tones of red and black paint. The fine details of the brushstrokes drew me in.

We took our seats at the back of the room, overlooking the entire hall from our place of honour at the Governor's carpet. The hall quickly filled, the other townspeople dropping their duties to come to the feast, sitting in lines on each side of the corridor until it was full, leaving only the middle area around the fire pit empty. A few people were tending the fire, which was cooking the carcass of a large animal – the Johalin. The images Corelaia had shown me of the beasts had them as huge, bulky beasts, with long, striped black and white fur and eight beady black eyes. The one on the spit had been skinned and was already half cooked, but from its size and shape alone, I could tell why the creatures were so important to Zairusi culture. As the last stragglers trickled in, Oekairin stood, speaking loudly in Zairusi to his community, his tone cheerful, though it held the power I expected it to. Corelaia leaned in close to me, doing his best to translate.

“People of Kiz-Onath City, I welcome you to today's meal with a happy heart. It has been tense over the last few months, I know, with the foreign-pirates coming so close to our land, our home, but I bring before you today not only the Johalin slain by Kaehlaen Dromoth and her party – honour be upon it -- , but a hopeful answer to our problems. These Jedi, Johali Corelaia and Kisur Kisurin, come before us to help us with the foreign-pirate issue, and honour us with their return to the lands of their mothers.” Corelaia translated, before adding “And stand and bow now.”

I followed his direction, keeping my movements synced with his, since he seemed to know what he was doing more than I did. I could hear the cheers of the crowd as the looked upon us and felt both self-conscious and welcome. As we sat back down, Corelaia continued to translate Governor Oekairin's speech.

“We shall feast in their celebration, and share our first bite with them.”

As he talked, the woman from before, Kaehlaen, sheared a piece of meat off the roasting Johalin, walking forwards to the back of the room where we sat, and holding it out to Oekairin. He took it, tearing it into four pieces, then motioned Corelaia and I to stand again before handing us each a portion, taking one for himself, then handing the last to Kaehlaen, who I could see more clearly now that she was up close. Her clothes were definitely still bloodstained, but she grinned at us before turning to the people gathered before her. Corelaia caught my eye and nodded at the scrap of meat in my hand. I looked down at it. It was warm and fragrant. The Governor said something else, and though Corelaia didn't translate this word, context clues and a quick glance around told me I should be taking a bite of the meat, so I did.

The flavor was great. I had never tasted anything that had been cooked over a fire. Well, at least not anything cooked  _ well _ over a fire, as that time my Master and I had crashed in the middle of the Lothal plains and had to hunt and cook our own food for half a week before the nearby Jedi had been able to pick us up hadn't been in any way enjoyable. I was glad the experiences were nothing alike.

After I had finished chewing and swallowed the bite, the townspeople cheered again, chanting “Jedi” over and over and I felt the weight of their trust in us and excitement of our presence. After their applause had died down a bit, the Governor bowed to them all. The phrase he spoke didn't need translating, as it was one of the few I had managed to learn before coming here.

“ _ Ulx ulvaesanakt aksrin orinkitari u na kinrethac lo _ .” It meant 'may the stars keep your footsteps alight.' I knew it well. Corelaia would sometimes say it to me instead of the usual 'may the Force be with you'. I also knew the reply, and spoke in time with Corelaia and the Zairusi people gathered in front of us.

“ _ Miax ulvaesanakt coranil ik orinkaitar u na kiz lo.”  _ And my the moon smile upon your path.

  
  


***

The feast had lasted for most of the night, though we didn't spend all of it eating. There was plenty of talking with those seated near us, and plenty of singing and storytelling. During some of the moments he could spare, Oekairin taught me a few words in Zairusi, though we didn't get too far into it due to the regular interjections of townspeople seeking his guidance. Some even came up to Corelaia and me to ask questions about what it was like to be a Jedi, or what we thought of our homeworld so far.

We sat in the hall until the sun started to rise over the glacial hills, tinting the snow with the first light of day. Oekairin stood then, speaking a few words to close the gathering, then turning to us. “To finish the hunt, the city will bathe.” He said as he rose to his feet. “I would be honoured if our Jedi brothers would join us.”

Corelaia and I looked at each other, and he smiled at me, giving a half shrug before replying to Governor Oekairin. “We would be honoured to join you, Governor.” I knew he could sense my apprehension. Oekairin hadn't exactly been specific when he had invited us, and as he led us from the dining hall as the crowd inside it began dispersing, I wondered what bathing with the city would entail. Still, it wasn't as if there was any harm in finding out. I walked alongside Corelaia and Oekairin as he showed us through a chiselled stone archway into what I quickly identified as a bathhouse. Several village members were attending to the shallow pool of warm water, and a few dozen people had already started bathing.

I looked over at Oekairin, who seemed to notice my uncertainty, as he gave a reassuring smile. “Undress to your level of comfort and leave your belongings on the shelves over there.” He gestured to a wall that was indeed lined with shelves.

I hesitated. “We... don't need to be naked?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Only take off as much as makes you comfortable.” He confirmed, allowing me to sigh in relief. I walked over to the shelf area and took off my robe, belt, tunic, and boots, leaving myself in a tank top and leggings. The gentle breeze stirred the hair on my arms, but true to my heritage, I felt no cold, and as I approached the bath after folding up my belongings, the warmth of the steam rolling off it started surrounding me. Corelaia came up behind me, murmuring a greeting of acknowledgement before sliding in to the shallow basin. He was wearing a lot less than me, only his shorts. I knew him well enough to know that was for my sake, as I tended to be more shy about these things than he was. His long hair was out of the bun he had had, flowing over his shoulders and floating out around him as he lowered himself into the water. Following his lead, I removed my own hair from its braid. I had managed to grow it out past my shoulders in the year and a half since my padawan braid had been cut.

Sitting at the side of the bath, I slid my feet into the warm water, letting myself adjust to the temperature before I fully immersed myself. It wasn't as hot as I had expected it to be, only a few shades above lukewarm, to my relief. Exhaling, I slipped into it, my leggings and shirt clinging to my skin as they became saturated. Corelaia grinned at me and flicked a few drops of water in my direction and I rolled my eyes, though I couldn't help but return his smile. Despite the worry I had held about participating, the bath was nice. It seemed it would be a good way to relax before the inevitable stress we would face as the day progressed and the time to negotiate with the pirates drew near.

We sat like that for a while, making idle conversation with each other and anyone else who waded our way. By the time the sun had begun to show over the distant mountains, I had noticed then a small group of children huddled a few meters away from us, observing Corelaia and I while trying to look like they weren't staring, although it was obvious to any adult that they were. I nudged Corelaia and turned my head their way, causing the three of them to squeak in surprise as both of our gazes fell upon them. Chuckling, I called to them.

“Come talk to us, younglings. We don't bite.”

The children shared an uncertain glance between them before scooting closer, and what seemed to be the oldest of them spoke. 

“Are you really Jedi?” she asked, wringing her hands together nervously. Her Basic was good, though heavily accented, and her eyes bored into me and Corelaia, her pupils so wide I could barely see the gold of her irises. Her two friends had similar expressions, though they lacked her intensity.

“We are,” Corelaia confirmed, leaning back against the wall of the pool as the young girl continued staring us down. As soon as he has spoken, her face lit up and she did a little dance of excitement. I lifted my hand to shield myself from the splashes it made, waiting for her to finish or start speaking again. She stilled after a few moments, and beamed at us, her companions giggling at her display of happiness.

The girl took a deep breath before speaking again, her bright eyes once again meeting mine. “That's so nice!” She said before announcing “I am Kizaen Nirethaia!” Guesturing to the boys on either side of her, she proceeded, introducing them as Vienxats Sanaktir and Rukai Rurikel on her left and right respectively. I dipped my head in acknowledgement as Corelaia replied with our names.

The little girl-- Kizaen –shook our hands before speaking again, her voice quicker now that she seemed to have gotten over her initial nervousness. Her accent made it a bit difficult to understand, but if she realized that, she didn't let it stop her. “Nice to meet you, Ahn-Corelaia, Ahn-Kisurin. You are going to protect us from pirate-men, right?” I nodded a bit, unable to help the smile formed at the way she addressed us with the honorifics. I knew about the level of respect Zairusi children were asked to show from things Corelaia had said to scold me when I was younger and acting naughty, though it was a bit surreal to be experiencing it firsthand.

Kizaen didn't stop long enough to let me answer, plowing through with her questions at speeds that would make the starship we had flown in on jealous. “You use the Force-magic, right? You have lightsabers? Can we see them? What does the Force-magic do? Can you show us that?”

Corelaia and I exchanged a glance through her questioning, as every time we opened our mouths to replied, Kizaen asked another question. I was just about to interrupt her and tell her to slow down when the younger of the boys, Rukai, piped up, placing his tiny hand over her mouth.

“Nirethaia, we have to be polite to Ahn-Jedis.” he instructed and Kizaen pushed his hand away, seeming to realize then she was being impolite. Her ears went red as Rukai crossed his arms over his chest and Vienxats giggled.

After a moment of embarrassed pouting, she mumbled a quiet apology before adding “But can you?” I couldn't help but smile at that. As talkative as she may have been, she was still an adorable child before anything else.

It would be proper to deny her request. The Force was not a party trick. It was a tool and a lifestyle. I opened my mouth to tell her that we couldn't show off like that, but I couldn't bring myself to say no to her and squash her excitement. I turned to Corelaia, looking at him for some sort of aid. Instead, I saw that look of chaos in his eyes, the look that always foretold him being about to do something chaotic. Oh no.

“Sure, little one. I suppose we could give a little demonstration, though this is, of course, just for educational purposes, since you all seem very eager to learn.” He grinned, facing me as he spoke. I felt apprehension for whatever he was about to do next. “Stay still, Kisur.”

“Master Corelaia, wh-” A wave of warm water cascaded over my head, soaking my hair and dripping down into my face. I hadn't seen Corelaia move it, but I had no doubts that he had used the Force to splash me. I couldn't find it in me to be cross with him, though, as the children were laughing and clapping their hands with glee. I pouted, looking over at Corelaia, hoping to see some sort of satisfaction on his face, as that would have meant he was finished with me. No such luck. He was still grinning playfully and I sighed, crossing my arms and leaning back as my hair began to freeze over. 

“Get on with it then, Master.” I relented, not knowing what he had in store for me. I felt my half-frozen hair move as Corelaia used the Force to move it around, manipulating it into shapes before the water froze it there. He switched between applying water and sculpting my frozen hair for a few minutes, using the Force for the whole thing. The younglings were watching him with acute attention, occasionally giggling or whispering something in Zairusi to him, at which point, Corelaia would nod sagely and add something else to his sculpt. Eventually, he stopped, leaving me with a heavy rendering of Force-knows-what above my head, giving me a proud smile.

“Some of my best work. What do you think, children?” He smirked, turning to the trio, who cheered in approval.

I rolled my eyes once more. “I'm glad you're happy, Master, but you know as well as I do that showing off like that--”

“--Made those kids' day?” Corelaia said, finishing my sentence for me and I sighed, giving in once more. He had a point. Seldom had I seen children as happy as those three were. Kizaen doing a happy twirl and Vienxats' grin stretched ear to ear. Although he was doing a better job of hiding it, I sensed Corelaia shared a similar glee.

“Fine.” I said, huffing as I relaxed my position. “You've had your fun. Can we please melt my head now?” It was heavy, and though, as a Jedi, I was trained to be able to withstand much more discomfort than it was giving me, combining the physical strain of it with the glances I saw some of the nearby adults giving me was enough to make me want it gone.

Corelaia started to speak, but a voice from behind me beat him to it. A familiar voice. “Oh, I don't know about that.” Governor Oekairin said. “How about a holovid of this first?”

***

The holovid shut off, holodisc heavy in my hand. I sat on the floor of Corelaia's quarters. It had been my duty to go through his belongings after the funeral. Tears ran down my cheeks. I had never felt as empty as I had without my Master. It was still hard to comprehend the finality of it all, that holovids and memories were all I had left of him and Zairus. Even his death, his sacrifice, couldn't stop the destruction of our planet, of our home, and every time my mind was unoccupied by work I saw it all over again. The chase, the blast, the blood. My pain, him bleeding out in the snow among our people, the destroyed village. Hamlen had managed to drag me onto the dropship before I died too, and every time I closed my eyes I saw the image of his body, lifeless, in the middle of a pool of blood, getting smaller and smaller as the ship took off. Even when Captain Rusty's crew recovered his body later, I still saw him in the snow when I looked at it. He looked so cold. Zairusi weren't supposed to get cold.

My tears were flowing freely, silently, dripping onto the metal leg crossed beneath me. I couldn't get used to that either. I felt something for that leg that a Jedi should never feel—hate –but I would let all of my limbs be replaced with durasteel replicas if it meant I could have Corelaia back. My knuckles were white as they dug into the holodisc and I fought the urge to throw it across the room.

A hand touched my shoulder. I looked up, seeing the familiar face of Hamlen, my padawan, in the dark room. When he had come in? I hadn't noticed. He knelt beside me, using two of his hands to wipe the tears from my cheeks and his other two arms to pull me into a close hug.

“I thought I'd find you here,” He said and a humourless chuckle escaped my lips, gesturing at the few objects I had scattered around me, half sorted into piles.

“The Council asked me to go through his stuff.”

Hamlen was quiet for a moment. I felt the ache of loss through our Force bond, and I knew he must have felt my suffering as well. After a moment, he murmured. “I'm sorry I didn't reach him sooner.” I felt his thoughts, the flash of light and shrapnel that echoed in his mind.

Hearing him apologize stung my heart. Did Hamlen think this was his fault? That would have made the two of us who believed themselves to be to blame, I supposed, but it hurt nevertheless. I sniffled and leaned against his shoulder, leaning my full weight on him, glad for the support of my closest friend.

“Padawan,” I murmured. “I don't know how much more of this war I can take.”

**Author's Note:**

> constantly just torturing my boy aren't I?


End file.
